Bizarmin Strikes Again!!

you know, i can't believe how much of this blog has now been dedicated to charmin, but man if they aren't just so damned wacked out i have to post.  oddly enough, charmin is actually one of my least favorite types of toilet paper.

so, charmin is opening a public restroom in times square for the holidays.

it's actually kind of totally brilliant  people need bathrooms while they're shopping, charmin needs a larger than life sized advertisement in times square a la the m&m store.

unsurprisingly, the restrooms, like everything in times square, are aimed at tourists.

Traveling to the Big Apple this holiday season?  Visit the Charmin Restrooms.  Check out our new location at 142 West 42nd Street.  You'll find 15 clean comfortable restrooms to help you "Enjoy the Go" in the heart of NYC.  It's our holiday gift to you.

the restrooms in times square aren't just places to poo, they're an experience:

Sure, we've got restrooms. But that's not all. Shake your groove thing on our dance stage. Take a load off in one of our lounge chairs. Or grab a photo op with a Charmin Bear.

not just a funny drawing, the bathroom will -really- have a potty dance floor.

yeah, you read that right.  'take a load off' in their lounge chairs.   the webpage also invites us to "Browse our pics to tour the Charmin Restrooms in NYC."  now maybe they're keeping secrets until the restrooms launch, currently 13 hours and 20 minutes from now (there's a countdown clock on the site, to increase our excitement), but all of the aforementioned 'pics' are concept drawings of the space, and not actual photos.  

not sure what those translucent arrows are illustrating.  air flow?

how long will these restrooms stay clean and comfortable, anyway.  i'd guess by the end of thanksgiving day, that shit will be covered in shit.  at the very least i think it will be difficult to keep up with all the tourists urinating on the seats, because you -know- tourists love to urinate on toilet seats "squat".

i'm also expecting there'll be some kind of a charmin shop, maybe a small stand where you can buy annoyingly fluffy toilet paper embroidered with your name or charmin bear key chains with removable tp flakes attached to their butts.  maybe an 'Enjoy the Go' coffee mug?

oh, 'the Go' is charmin's apparently not quite trademarkable euphemism for 'shitting or peeing'.  you know charmin is -all about- confusing frank discussion with obtuse niceties, not saying 'poop' but painting crotch grabbing, pee-dancing, naked bears on the walls.  it twists my mind into knots.  as a footnote to this madness, just check out this charmin ad, a faux grassroots call to arms for finally enjoying our poos.  it is a mangled labyrinth of blunt poo-talk and euphemismo.